Greetings from the Odinson,
It is that time once again, boys and girls, when the Odinson talks about the battles he would love to see go down in the realms of comic books.
Without further ado…
It’s Fight Night 2019 with the Odinson
Let them fight!
The Undercard (Preliminary Matches)
Hellboy vs. The Toxic Avenger – Hellboy is a half-human, half-demon spawn of hell that just so happens to love cute little kitty cats. Possessing immense supernatural strength and resistance to injury and armed with a giant handgun, Hellboy investigates and battles the forces of darkness alongside his fellow members of the B.P.R.D. (the Bureau for Paranormal Research and Defense). He also possesses the Right Hand of Doom, an oversized monolithic appendage prophesied to be the key to starting the Apocalypse, but mostly Hellboy just uses it to bash monsters into paste.
Melvin was an undersized, oft bullied teenager until the day he was exposed to radioactive waste on the Jersey Shore. Though his skin was scarred and his face was deformed, Melvin was transformed into the hulking, dirty-mop wielding super hero the Toxic Avenger. Using his new found super human strength, Toxi, alongside fellow mutates the Toxic Crusaders, fights to keep the world safe from bullies, criminals, and monsters.
Toxi will give Hellboy a good rough and tumble but in the end, one too many Right Hands of Doom up side his irradiated dome will ultimately put Toxi down for the count.
Bizarro vs. Faker – Sometimes he is from a backwards universe and other times he is a failed clone. Whichever the case may be, Bizarro is the imperfect doppelganger of the Man of Steel. He possesses most of the same super powers as Superman, super strength, flight, invulnerability, but some of his powers are the opposite. For instance, instead of heat vision and cold breath, Bizarro has Freezing Vision and Fire Breath. Bizarro also possesses a perplexing backwards logic and askew way of looking at the world. This is an aspect that can make him a very unusual adversary to deal with.
Sometimes he is machine or magically constructed tulpa and other times he is a failed clone. Whichever the case may be, Faker is a near perfect copy of He-Man, the most powerful man in the universe. Possessing all the hero’s cunning and super human physical attributes, but none of his chivalry and goodness.
Faker would be a powerful and challenging foe for even the strongest characters, but in the end, Bizarro has just too many different powers at his disposal and none of Superman’s restraint.
In the wake of DC Universe vs. Masters of the Universe and Injustice vs. Masters of the Universe, we know they exist in the same multiverse and this is a battle that could actually happen. I’m talking to you, DC.
Are you warmed up yet? On to the next round…
The Exiles are a motley crew of mismatch heroes drawn together from across the multiverse in order to venture into parallel worlds and fix anomalies that threaten all of creation. Their missions put them into conflict with some of the most dangerous adversaries the multiverse has to offer like a deranged Hulk, a tyrannical Iron Man, and a diabolically evil Invisible Woman.
Task Force X is a “team” of incarcerated super villains kept in check with micro bombs implanted in their heads and sent on suicide missions with a very low probability rate of success or survival. Featuring some of the most notorious villains in the DCU – Deadshot, Harley Quinn, Captain Boomerang, the Enchantress, just to name a few, the Suicide Squad mostly embarks on politically driven ventures and has managed to take down and/or fight to a standstill some truly terrible foes like Brimstone, Kobra, and General Zod.
Winner: The Exiles
From Proteus to vampire versions of Earth’s Mightiest Heroes to the unparalleled might of King Hyperion, the list of omega level threats the Exiles have faced down, many times at the cost of the lives of teammates, far surpasses the number of omega level threats that Task Force X has faced.
In the end, the teamwork and loyalty of the mutant heroes will beat out the fickle loyalties of super villains being forced to fight for a cause they don’t even truly believe in.
The Main Event: A Heavyweight Bout
Damage vs. Weapon H – As a result of government experiments conducted in the Damage Project, Army soldier Ethan Avery, for one hour every day, is able to transform into a hulking creature of immense power. As Damage, Ethan has been shown able to overpower a Task Force X team that counted heavy hitters like Parasite and Solomon Grundy in its ranks. He was able to avoid capture by Wonder Woman. And, he has stood toe-to-toe with Superman himself!
Clayton Cortez was a mercenary that was forcibly entered into the Weapon X Program. His DNA was merged with that of X-Force and the Hulk giving him a monstrous body with super human strength, durability, and a healing factor. He also possesses claws like Wolverine and luck powers like Domino.
Winner: Weapon H
I was ready to give the Big D the win on this one, but the more I thought about it, I had to go with Weapon H. Their military training cancels each other out, though even there I feel the experience leans more toward Cortez. They are both physically imposing and powerful. And, even though I would give the strength advantage to Damage, in the end, Weapon H’s claws and stronger healing factor put him over.
Even if Cortez doesn’t manage to land a killing blow with his claws, his luck powers and superior healing factor would probably allow him to last the one hour, and when Damage reverts back to his human form, well let’s just say it would not be pretty.
This is Odinson bidding thee farewell